The Sacred Spot is a neo-tantric massage practice. The word ‘massage’ fails to fully capture what it is. It collapses the transcendence of the experience into the familiar of the physical, presenting a façade of understanding to the reader. Know & acknowledge this façade for now, so I can freely use the word ‘massage’.

The Human Being is a partnership between a Consciousness and a Physical Body. In a Sacred Spot practice, two Consciousnesses collaborate to bring ease, grounding, comfort & pleasure to one Body.

Every pain arising in the receiving Body is met with care and presence, without any attempts to ‘fix’ the pain. The pain is seen. Is held. Every desire for pleasure met with service of its fulfillment.

The practice is a continuous, active collaboration between the receiver and the giver. Unlike a typical massage where the receiver may be more prone to be passive. The receiver’s consciousness attuning to their own body & guiding the giver where the giver might be blind. The giver’s attunement to the receiver’s body helping the receiver better understand their own somatic map of pain and pleasure. As the receiver guides, so do they attempt to surrender control. Trusting that with sufficient attunement, there is no difference between the giver’s consciousness and their own. So that they may relax into fully surrendered receiving of the giver’s service. So that their body can flow with the Flow that surrounds us all.

The Flow of the Universe. Where Flowers bloom. Not too soon, not too late but perfectly attuned to the Flow of the Divine, at the coming of Spring.

When the flower blooms, she invites connection from the bees. She invites touch. She invites Divine Presence so she can experience the Ecstasy that is inherent in the Flow. Ecstasy that can only be fully experienced in communion.

Enter the Sacred Spot. With grace. With devotion. With clarity. With verbal permission. Right at the point of yearning, so as to be the messenger of Ecstasy. Opening the gates to Pleasure. To Release. They are synonymous really. Release of stuck tension. Release of held suffering. From this life. From past lives. Generational. Ancestral. Collective.

The Release of Trauma is the ultimate Pleasure.

Wail. Pound. Scream. Laugh. The shaking of the body from the laughter releasing more than the wails do.

Be held in your wailing. Your pounding. Be witnessed in your blood curdling screams by an unflinching, giving, serving Consciousness. Because the giver knows it is not about them. Because there is no Them. There is only You. And you are Whole. You are Human. You are Divine.

You are the Divinely Human Whole.

There is a sacred spot of connection that exists between you and any human you cross paths with. This holds true for the person you are attracted to and the person you are repelled by and those that you are disinterested in. For the former, it could be that the sacred spot lies in exchanging glances only from a distance. Nothing more. For the latter, it could be a conversation over tea. Nothing less.

The sacred spot of connection could be physical, verbal, energetic or imaginary. Your work then in the relational world—where we are choosing to maintain relations with other humans instead of retreating to an ascetic life in a cave—is to find and be at the sacred spot of connection with every human you encounter. You encounter humans in this life because there is some relational karmic debt that exists between you two. Connection at the sacred spot releases this debt and frees both.

The sacred spot is not static. It changes with time. Connection at the sacred spot feels easeful. It feels aligned. It doesn’t leave you grasping for more. It doesn’t leave you regretting the connective moment. There is an ease in coming together. There is an ease in letting go.

So how do you find the sacred spot of connection?

The Sacred Spot massage practice itself can help you embody this wisdom.

Many neo-tantric practitioners offer the service. There are neo-tantric schools that teach the practice.

An understanding of the Internal Family Systems model of my psyche coupled with Attachment Theory can help too. I’ll now present a thought exercise that might help you see what happens in your psyche when you interact with another human being while simultaneously providing you an introduction to IFS and Attachment Theory.

Imagine you are a single parent with many kids. Now imagine that every time you meet another human, you are always accompanied with all your kids and they come with all their kids too. Every meeting is a play date. Some of your kids like some of theirs. Some don’t and get into squabbles. Before the meeting, you have not had any conversations with any of your kids to set any kind of expectations. You actually don’t even know some of your kids that well. Some other kids are completely unknown to you.

After the interaction, you are left with some kids that are longing to meet again and some others that are upset because they got hurt. You don’t have a good sense of how they got hurt.

This is essentially what happens when two humans meet. These kids being the different inner children that exist in the psyche. Every ‘inner child’ essentially representing a subset of coping mechanisms that you picked up at a certain young age while dealing with a complex situation that you were ill-equipped to deal with (commonly referred to as ‘trauma’). If after the interaction, you have more kids that are longing for meeting again, you will be labeled “Anxiously Attached” per Attachment Theory. If you have more kids that are hurt (but you probably don’t know how), you will be labeled “Avoidantly Attached” per Attachment Theory.

Once you get to know your inner family, you have a good sense of the map of your inner attraction/repulsion towards any other human that you come across. Over time, you can develop an attunement to your inner family such that you are aware of this map at the first moment of interaction itself. Then before you meet (or as you are meeting) another human, you can negotiate with the parts that are disinterested or repelled before they start projecting their fear onto the other human and you start feeling annoyed or angry with them. If you realize that the repulsion has gotten quite strong, you can choose to gracefully exit the interaction to better understand what the parts need in order to feel safe to continue engaging. Over time, you can learn how to ask these questions internally without needing to exit the engagement—thereby resolving your “Avoidant Attachment” tendencies. After the engagement is over, you can ask the parts that are longing to meet the human again, what is it that they are seeking and learn how to provide that yourself—thereby resolving your “Anxious Attachment” tendencies.

If all of this feels too complex, I will provide a simpler to understand yet challenging to implement strategy.

Wait for Desire to fully root itself without Fear before connecting with another human.

Desire sans Fear. Wait in solitude with your self till you feel Desire. Get to know the texture of your Desire. See how stable it feels. Practice expressing your Desire in words. In writing. To others. To your self. How does the Desire morph after expression? Is it still thriving in you? Has it taken a different form?

Actions of clarity are rooted in stable Desire.

Stable Desires guide you to the Sacred Spots.

Read more on IFS here—