This post is about the intersection of men's sexuality work and post–hurricane life in Asheville. It'll contain explicit references to sexual organs and acts–I'll be using the terms cock and pussy–so this is your chance to decide if you want to continue reading it.

Earlier this week, I built a dry toilet using a 5 gallon Home Depot bucket. A $5 bucket with a $1 lid with a trash bag in it and a bag of fine pine shavings (meant for lining horse shed beds) from Tractor Supply. That's all you need!

Ever since I first used a composting toilet in a barn in Hudson Valley, NY, I fell in love with that experience. It’s never been the same with a wet regular toilet ever since. A really attractive male colleague of mine at Facebook NY once told me he had been single for years. When I asked him why, he told me about this amazing relationship he had which set the bar so high that he just preferred to stay single till the bar was met. Lots to unpack there, but its kinda like that.

At an energetic level, it feels right to offer the earth released from my body to the Earth instead of having it splash around in Water. There's an elemental resonance of sorts for this particular mechanism. Those of you who have not yet tapped into your energetic bodies may call this "woo-woo", but imagine that you could only see grayscale and I was describing to you what the color “red” looked like and hold this and other spiritual hypotheses I write about below with a grain of sugar.

After Hurricane Helene upended the water networks that power the city's running water, it seems so obvious to me that the dry toilet system is objectively better than water based sewage disposal for human dry matter. From my analytical engineering mind's perspective, it's an unnecessarily complicated solution for a not-so-urban neighborhood to build and maintain networks of pipes instead of handling the disposal and processing of human dry waste at the nodes via conversion into manure. A node is a term used to refer to a point in a network. In this example, a node refers to a house or a small community.

It is an unnecessary centralization of the task of disposal. It might make sense for a densely populated area, like say NYC, where the time it takes to process waste matter at the nodes would be long enough that it might stink up the area but doesn't seem to make sense for a region like WNC.

How we've architected our societies is replete with examples of "good design" that was born out of the need to urbanize during the Industrial Revolution that actually is horrible when you then take those ideas to non-urban regions.

Like why the fuck do we live in rectangular rooms in the middle of the countryside?

I couldn't possibly give you solid "references" for this so just hold the possibility that what I'm gonna say next might be true.

Rectangular rooms are spiritually unsound. They cause the spirit energies within the rooms to be unhappy because the 90 degree angles interfere with the preferred movement patterns of disembodied spirits – Spirals.

120 degree angles are better. Rounded corners are even better. This is why barns can feel so good energetically speaking. Rudolf Steiner's Anthroposophy recognized this principle and houses designed with Anthroposophic design principles have rounded corners.

In my direct experience, they feel good™ too.

Why do I believe this wild spiritual hypothesis?

The answer is a long story from one of the wildest chapters of my life. Last December, I underwent a modern day spirit exorcism through the Internal Family Systems framework with a western psychotherapist. The spirit that lived in me communicated certain principles to me which now inspire the kind of spaces I create for myself and those I care about. The fuller story and a short documentary, with recorded footage of the "exorcism"–it's nothing like you'd expect, if you are thinking of the movies–explaining this are on its way. Comment below if you'd like to know when it is ready.

Anyways, back to the fallacy of applying sound urban design principles to non–urban neighborhoods. It makes sense for urban apartment complexes to be rectangular in order to tightly pack abodes and due to the common place grid design of cities.

Grids are the bread and butter of city planning. Grids emerged from the desire of the modern State to better account for its citizens. For simple purposes like taxation and for nefarious ones like extermination & control. The beautiful book "Seeing Like A State" dives more into this. If you are above 17 years of age and still lean Communist, please do us all a favor and read that book!

As some modern day attempts to understand urban loneliness have concluded, they are not the best for creating a sense of community and belonging. Think cosy European towns with winding lanes and contrast them with metropolises with gridded streets.

Now take this same urban principle to the housing design of countryside USA where the rooms are still rectangular within houses and you can see where I'm going with this fallacy. Perhaps?

My hypothesis is that round homes are better suited for spiritual peace. And I mean that phrase in the literal sense. They are best suited for the peace of disembodied spirits that roam about literally EVERYWHERE in the physical world that we live in. Especially in this time of ghor kaliyug – the dark, ignorant iron age of the cycle of 4 ages per Vedic philosophy. A time when sexual abuse is ripe. When children, infants even, are regularly raped.

These disembodied spirits like to spiral around while they are waiting to find the next copulating couple, hoping to enter the womb of the receiver of the penetration at the peak moment of climax. They don't have much vision but they can see orgasmic energy. They enter in the hopes of being born again in the physical realm so that they can enjoy physical realm experiences of food and sex. Unbeknownst to them, most of the sex that is happening today is not of a procreative nature. So they get lodged inside the energetic womb of the human who is receiving the penetration. Note here that all humans have an energetic womb. By the time, they realize that this is not going to lead to rebirth, they get very frustrated and then time and again seize the conscious agency of their host human–leading to obsessive behavior disorders including eating disorders and sexual disorders. This hypothesis feels quite incomplete presently. It is the extent of my felt sense of spiritual knowledge based on a combination of direct experience and reading between the lines of various spiritual texts. I'm currently in an IFS course with a follow-up training on Unburdening–the term that IFS uses in lieu of "exorcism" to not freak out their mainstream academic psychologist overlords. So hopefully, I get to explore these hypotheses directly with clients soon. Meanwhile, if you are someone who struggles with eating/sexual disorders, know that your reasoning may vary. If my hypothesis does strike a chord though, reach out to me and I'm happy to work with you to explore non-mainstream healing paradigms.

I suffered from binge eating disorder and hard hard core porn addiction myself through most of my adult life. It has been a year or so now that I haven't binged or watched any porn. I haven't masturbated either, in the regular sense of the term but regularly massage my entire body including my cock, treating it with care and kindness like I would any other muscle in my body. Perhaps a bit more tenderness than I show, say, my quads. I have recently entered a committed relational container with a woman who I simultaneously feel quite softened in my heart and hardened in my cock. I believe now that this is the holy grail for men's relational life. Find a woman in the presence of whom you feel simultaneously softened in your heart and hardened in your cock. Not one or the other. At the same time. Of course this requires you to know what each of these feels like independently and to be able to maintain connection to both simultaneously.

To know what it feels like to feel softened in your heart. For that you have to allow yourself to cry. To cry alone. To cry in the company of a familiar human. To cry in a group. To cry on a recorded call. To livestream yourself crying. You don't have to do *all* of these. But any attempts at hiding your crying will further disconnect you from knowing the soft texture of your heart when it feels light. If you don't know what that's like, it'll be difficult for you to know what the soft heart/hard cock attraction feels like.

To know what it feels like to feel hardened in your cock in the presence of your soft heart, you need to allow yourself permission to explore all the shadowy kinks you may hold in consensual containers. Really practicing letting go of the shame that might block the way. Breathing in allowance for when you feel aroused towards someone to act on it. To express that arousal. Breathing in allowance for when the arousal dissipates to let go of your desires to be sexual with them. To express that drop in sexual desire and letting go of accompanying shame. Without labeling it as "performance anxiety". Without resorting to regular pills to artificially maintain a hard cock so that you can be seen as a strong sexual being. Allowing yourself to pause and propose another form of connection when you notice your cock softening in intimacy. Believing that you deserve a sexual partner who accepts you for that too instead of giving into the false stories your anxiety might tell you in that moment–"oh no, oh no, I'm going soft. She is going to leave me".

At this point you might be wondering, if you remember where this essay started, how does this all relate to the dry toilet.

Well, it is *highly* recommended to not pee in a dry toilet.

Today, while using it, I noticed that I tinkled a little.

Because I am far too used to the comfort of letting both loose in a wet toilet.

Both being downwards movement of energies. Apana, as it is called in Vedic literature, contrasted with Prana which is upwards flowing energy.

For men, Apana can seemingly take 4 forms – urination, defecation, flatulence and ejaculation. For women, it can seemingly take 8 forms – urination, defecation, flatulence, pussy lubrication, G-spot squirting, queefing (as contrasted with flatulence because the air releases through a different canal), menstruation & birthing. The listicles above might not be comprehensive. Yet they demonstrate the link between a form of flow in your energy body and related physical body phenomena. Comment below if you can think of other examples.

Today while using the dry toilet, I noticed that I don't have expert control over whether to just release dry matter or wet matter into the dry toilet. As I noticed that, I realized again–as I have many many times before–the felt sense of numbness in my pelvic floor region. I first got attuned to what a felt sense of numbness feels like during my Alexander Technique training. It’s a sense that there should be something where it feels like there is nothing. Those of us who have experienced chronic depression should know what that’s like. My felt sense of numbness developed after I was first masturbated by my grandfather when I was around 4y of age. The cacophony of emotions I felt–sexual pleasure, confusion, felt sense of his shame–was whooshed away in one fell swoop by my nervous system to leave nothing there. Blanketed in numbness. Now I encounter this, right before grief emerges. I no longer experience chronic depression because I know now what the numbness is trying to hide. I can transition fairly easily to grief release. Chronic depression is just this felt sense of numbness taking over your system for days, weeks even. Reach out to me if you’d like to learn how to work with this better.

My sense is that expert yogis or taoist sexual alchemists have phenomenal control over the nether regions. The pelvic floor. I'm using control here without its typical negative connotations. "Reign" could be an alternative word. Reign as in a man who has fully embodied the archetype of the King. The spiritual Regnant has fluid mastery over his body first. A true yogi.

Cultivating mastery over the pelvic floor has been an active practice for me this year. To build better sensitization of the region so that I don't disconnect from it in a moment of sexual connection. Disconnection is what leads to ejaculation. Every moment of ejaculation that I have experienced this year has been in a moment where I have felt collapsed into my head as contrasted with my consciousness extending from the top of my head into my cock as I fuck my lover through my spine. Sometimes the collapse is into some fantastical realm. A sexual fantasy coming forth and pulling my consciousness away from my nether regions into my head due to some past conditioning–from this life or previous ones. When my consciousness leaves my nether regions, it results in energetic havoc. Akin to the looting a geographical region can experience if the regnant King is not attending to it.

Every time I ejaculate in a manner where I can't decide when to do so, is a moment of energetic havoc in my nether regions due to some form of past trauma activation.

The provocation I hold here is the myth of Shiva.

Shiva was known to be capable of maintaining meditative stillness in presence of seductive apsaras while also being capable of enjoying eons of uninterrupted (by ejaculation) sexual intimacy with his wives who won his heart with their devotion towards him. As far as I know, there are only a handful of occasions where he ejaculated. Two if I’m not mistaken. Once with Parvati to give birth to Kartikeya. Once with Mohini, the alluring form taken by Vishnu, to give birth to Ayyappa.

A provocation is something–often an extreme view like the prowess of Shiva described above–that may or may not be true (if you try to figure out if myths are true or not, you probably don't understand what myths are) but I hold as a possibility for myself anyways to remind myself in moments where there might seem like there's only one option–like in the moment I suddenly find myself flowing towards sexual climax, that there are always other options eg. not climaxing for eons. J. Krishnamurti talks about how conscious living is one where there is always optionality and through the wide optionality, one clear choice emerges forth instead of the typical heady confusion that many options can bring for people.

In the moment you notice yourself hurtling towards a sexual orgasm, can you breathe all the energy up your spine into your crown and out your limbs so you feel energized and rejuvenated by sex and not depleted? Can you do that not just for yourself but for your lover as she hurtles towards orgasm? Does her climactic flow pull you into ejaculation too? Or are you able to sustain yourself through that? I'm curious.

I have almost never experienced my sexual climaxing pulling my female lover into a climax too. Have you?

It's sad that we don't talk openly about sex more often. There's so much fascinating information it holds about the nature of human consciousness. It's a pity that our world is flooded with philosophers who look like they, to use a colloquial term, don't get much pussy. I propose hereforth that we should just burn their philosophical treatises about consciousness. All in favor, comment Aye.

I close this essay out with the following provocation.

Men, find yourself a woman who can milk your cock dry (amongst other things, of course). Otherwise stay single and work on yourself. Once you find yourself with such a woman, notice why you don't seem to have control over when you ejaculate. Try out different practices and see how you can better sensitize your pelvic floor, soften your heart in service of being able to fuck her from your erect spine for eons like the man that you are. Not collapse into shivering ejaculations like the little boy you once were.

If you read thus far, and have recommendations for specific practices for me to try out, please comment or message/email me.