When I encountered Vipassana in 2018 and began to dissect the pathway to Enlightenment, at some point, I realized how critical it was to have open hips. Open hips are necessary for the lotus position which is essential to take while meditating in order to gain Enlightenment. There by began my journey of opening up my hips. I had chronic pain in my right hip which started flaring in 2017. I tried many things for it - PT, many doctors, different orthotic inserts for my shoes etc. To no avail. Each of these would work for a few days and then the problem would reemerge. Meanwhile, I also ended up tearing my left knee ACL and got a plantar fasciitis on my right foot. Looking at these from a systemic lens, I saw that something was pingponging between the left and right sides of my body. I sensed that the issue had something to do with my gait - it was a systemic imbalance in my physical structure. Around this time, I chanced upon the Alexander Technique. The answer to my systemic self-diagnosis. I‘d fall asleep in the earlier classes so often. It was extremely frustrating. Now I know that the “falling asleep” was actually extreme dissociation. The dissociation was happening because the Alexander Technique work was slowly releasing my trauma and my mind would distance itself from my body, float around in thought space for a few moments and then fall asleep. This tendency to float around in thought space is often referred to in our society as “distractiveness” and severe forms of it are diagnosed as ADD/ADHD. I‘ve come to believe now that these are just symptoms of trauma.

I stuck to Alexander Technique because I saw results. My plantar fasciitis went away. I was able to start wearing barefoot shoes. My chronic hip pain gradually reduced. And I noticed an increase in my capacity to hold space and an expansion in my felt sense of consciousness. This is because Alexander Technique is not just a physiotherapeutic modality - it’s psychophysiosoul work, if approached in its wholeness with the right guidance (like my teacher).

Two years of cultivating spine strength and expansive consciousness through the technique prepared my body to reveal to me and my consciousness to be able to hold the repressed memories of #childhoodsexualabuse.

The memory of the sodomy, in particular, emerged accompanied by massive shaking of my right hip. My right hip was releasing the trauma as the memory was being shown to me after being hidden away for so long. Along with the memory, I felt rage shoot up from my pelvis. Rage, hips together hinted at kickboxing. Two weeks before the Aya ceremony that revealed this memory, I was exclusively eating Thai curries as a part of my dieta. Simultaneously, I had gained a clear insight from my astrological chart - I have a weak Mars placement in Cancer plus North Node (indicator of soul’s destiny) in Aries (ruled by Mars) plus Scorpio (ruled by Mars) rising - the interpretation being that I was born with a weak Mars but it really needs to be strengthened ie martial prowess needs to be accumulated by my soul in this lifetime. All of these clues together cemented in me an intention to pursue Muay Thai.

After 5 months of committed Muay Thai practice across schools in LA, Mexico City, Koh Phangan and Austin, I found myself at ISTA.

At ISTA, I learnt a new technique called yoga boxing which is basically a way to channel martial energy in service of establishing boundaries. Abuse is a violation of boundaries so sensing into, expressing and establishing boundaries is critical to healing from abuse.

All of this - the Alexander Technique foundation, plus the martial energy cultivation through Muay Thai plus yoga boxing to know how to direct it - culminated one night at ISTA. I recovered a new memory from my first perpetrator. In this memory, I had gone to bed after watching a scary movie with him. And he came to grab me at night as I was asleep. As his hand reached to grab my shoulder in the dream, I gained lucidity in the dream and with a decisive, firm jerk of my spine towards him, I was able to send a jolt of martial energy to dissipate his spirit. His hand was never able to transgress my energetic boundaries, leave alone transgressing my physical boundaries (rape). I woke up from the dream. My body was unexpectedly calm - retrieval of repressed memories of childhood sexual abuse can leave the body in a traumatic aftershock state with vibrations in the torso region. I had established full energetic authority over him at the source of one of my repressed memories. Success. For the time being at least. Healing is layered work. So as one layer healed, another got revealed (hint: more perps).

But reason enough to look back and celebrate and to express gratitude for the series of coincidences or synchronicities that combined to bring me this healing.